Just an update since my last post

Well, it's been a while since my last post, so I'm going to give some updates on the past couple of weeks.  First I will start off by saying that I landed a new position and I'm loving it and seem to be doing pretty well and getting along with the crew which is a good sign.  That's about all for that.  Last weekend we did a few things that were fun, on Friday night we went to the homecoming game for our school and on Saturday there was a shooting seminar that David participated in.  During the football game we ran into a few of my former teachers and an old coach.  My former 8th grade Reading/English teacher was the ticket taker.  I have ran into her a few other times since high school and she always made it a point to say hi to me and tell me that she still uses my work as examples for her present classes.  During this meeting prior to the game she told me that she seen what I did with the whole baseball situation and thought that it was handled very well and was proud to say that I was her student.  Of course that made me feel good and gave a little more reinforcement of doing the right thing.  Throughout the game I also ran into a few more teachers and friends and talked briefly with them, then close to the end of the first half I ran into a former coach, who was also one of my seventh grade teachers and we talked for a little bit.  He asked about my days in the Navy and what I was up to now.  He is still teaching seventh and eight grade and now coaching the junior high team since stepping down from the varsity squad.  I then had to go to the restroom and my wife told me that after I left he was talking to the people next to us about me as a student, she said it was all good stuff.  We ended up losing that game by a margin of 28-21, but we still had fun attending the game.  On Saturday, there was a shooting seminar that was put on by the Trumbull County 4H club that I took David to.  He was most excited about the archery part and even took his own re-curve bow and got a lot of recognition for it, he then also used one of their compound bows.  At this even he also shot a .22 rifle, black powder rifle, black powder pistol, .20 shotgun, a revolver and a 9mm.  This was his first time ever handling a gun and he did great with the rifle and the shotgun, with the pistols he was a little off target but pretty close, but he seemed a lot more comfortable with the rifles and nailed the targets.  After the event he was presented with a certificate of completion and also given some literature about the club that they have, and he has requested to join the club so we are going to see what we have to do to make that happen.  I am glad that he has taken an interest in the gun safety and shooting, along with maintaining the interest of archery.  Finally I'm going to end with something that has been bothering us since the start of school.  In the second week of school we have noticed that David was in a language arts class that was behind the other class and we have expressed our concern with the teacher, trying to move him into the other class.  The teacher said that they would arrange and IEP meeting and go from there to see what is best for David.  David has been coming home every day for the past month saying "It's so boring, why are we doing third grade work in the fourth grade?"  We let a couple more weeks go by expecting to hear back from the school about a meeting, however nothing was ever set up.  My wife called the school on Wednesday to ask about it and requested the IEP meeting so they were quick and wanted to schedule it for the next day, which conflicted with our schedule so we set it for Monday (tomorrow).  On Friday the teacher sent home a paper to the entire Language Arts class one class stating along the lines of "Your child is performing below grade level" Then there was a section that they wanted us to sign stating "I acknowledge that my child is performing below grade level"  in which we did not sign however we wrote a note stating that we know our child is not performing below grade level, and prior testing proves it.  We have been trying to get him into the other class since the start of the year because we know that if he stays in the class that is so far behind he will get extremely bored and shut down and they will lose him, failing to do their part in educating him.  He is getting all A's at this point with his lowest grade being a 94% so if we acknowledge him performing below grade level that also entitles us to acknowledge that the teacher is not doing her job because she is teaching below grade level.  Our IEP meeting is set for tomorrow morning and hopefully we can get all of this resolved, I will keep you posted on what happens however I believe that I know my child and his potential a lot more than they do, and his teachers from his former school would agree.

Soccer season over, great year.

Today was the last game of the soccer season with soccer appreciation afterwards.  David had a good season and he really loved the coaches and team mates that he played with this season.  He enjoyed it so much that after the game he asked if he could play winter (indoor) soccer.  We are happy that he found a sport that he likes and we will see what we can do about finding an indoor team as all the extra experience would be great for him in learning to grow and learning the game better.  We are also so grateful that he had such a wonderful coaching staff and made a lot of great friends who all worked as a team and helped everyone together.  That kind of coaching needs to be recognized as David learned a lot and had a lot of fun growing with the team this season.  As a team they waited until today's game to finally pick up the win however they had a great time every game and put it all on the line.  With this experience we are hoping that he will continue to enjoy the sport and grow with it as it is proving to be a positive thing for him.

Our day at the Apple Cider Festival and reuniting with old friends

This weekend is the Lordstown Apple Cider Festival and David has been going since he was born and entering his vegetables since he was three, accumulating many awards.  This year Jack got to enter some things too.  They each entered for "largest pumpkin," "flower grown by me," and "vegetable (tomato) grown by me."  After the entries we then came back home for lunch then went back for the car show and to check to see if their entries won any prizes.  My wife brought her Nikon camera with her and David took pictures of the cars and took some great angle shots, much better than I could have done.  My wife coached him a little but on most of them he took them himself and I will try to post them later.  After the car show we then went back over to the building where the boys' items were entered, the craft show was also going on at that time.  They each received awards for their flowers and vegetables and David received one for largest pumpkin however Jack's didn't (although it was as big as David's and the only one entered in his age group).  We walked around for a little bit and checked out the photography, culinary arts and quilt show which is held in the library of the building.  David took pictures of the puzzles that were entered and he ran into a few of his friends/former classmates.  While we were in there the librarian, whom was also the judge, noticed David and me and made it a point to talk with us.  She told us "I seen you in the paper and kept thinking to myself 'I know them' but couldn't remember where from, then it struck me that I see you every year at the festival and I know your (my wife's) aunt."  She then proceeded "I just wanted to let you know that I am very proud of what you have done to stand up for your son, I know it took some courage and I wanted to let you know that you did a great thing raising awareness on autism."  She then asked if everything got resolved and if anything happened to the coach so we told her as much as we knew on the situation.  We don't really know much on the situation and most of what we know is rumor.  We have not been in contact with the L.A.C to follow up on anything and we haven't been in contact with most of the team either but what we do know is that the coach was suspended from the championship game and we believe that was all he was punished as we believe he is still coaching.  David is playing soccer this season in which their fields are right next to the baseball fields.  The L.A.C has a "Fall Ball" league and after David's last soccer game we had to drive past the baseball fields to get home and there was a game being played on field one and as we looked over it appeared that Shawn Phillips was standing in the first base coaches box coaching the game, so it appears that the only punishment he received was that one game suspension.  I hope that harsh punishment taught him a lesson.  Anyhow back to today's events,  we walked around the craft show a little more.  As usual Jack said hello to everybody and we met, or reacquainted with, many new people.  While we were looking at different tables we ran across one that had dish scrubbers and dish rags and David insisted that he needed a scrubber and Jack likewise believed that he needed one so I decided to let them each get one, perhaps they may help out with the dishes but that seems unlikely.  I bring this up because I think it is very unusual for a 9 year old or 3 year old would request something like that.  We then left the building and headed over to the midway where the cider was being pressed and picked up a gallon for us and a gallon for grandma then went to grandma's for dinner with the intentions of going back to see the fireworks.  After dinner and a visit with the grandma and grandpa we then went back up to the festival, grandma gave the boys each five dollars to ride a couple of rides before the fireworks began.  When we went back David had a little mini reunion with a lot of his former classmates.  We returned with a little bit of time left before the craft show building closed so we decided to go back in there real quick because there was a table about autism in there that I spotted earlier but didn't show my wife at the time so I told her about it but by the time we went back in they were gone but the other people set up were still there.  While we were walking around Jack said hi to another person and without seeing me she told him "you look so much like your dad."  I looked to see who she was as to how she knew who I was and I could not recognize her and the situation was awkward, as most situations are when the person remembers me but I have no recollection at all of them.  She asked "don't you remember me?" then gave a little back story on how I should know her but I still didn't remember, even after she told me who she was I still did not remember who she was.  That's the way I am, unless you have a huge impact in my life, or I've had an extended acquaintance with a person I can not remember who you are as I am not good on facial recognition.  A similar incident happened later on walking on the midway when a former co-worker of mine came up to me and started talking with me and I did not remember who he was either.  As I stated earlier we ran into a lot of David's former classmates and team mates and the parents of them and most of them asked about the situation of baseball so we told them what we knew.  Almost everywhere we turned there was another kid saying "hi David" and seemed excited to see him again, but the one most excited was a girl that was on his tee-ball team, soccer team and most of his classes in school.  David also seemed excited to see her too.  That is the one thing that I'm going to miss the most about the small community and school is that everyone knew everyone and they were all friends and although David no longer goes to school with them they still love him and treat him as if he never left.  David has made new friends at his new school but he misses his friends from his former school.  Many of the teachers also commented how much they miss David and this is what I am hoping for him to accomplish at his new school, to make many friends and have an impact on the teachers.  Yes the school year is still new but even in the short time, based on some e-mail replies, the teachers aren't living up to what his former teachers have demonstrated in regards to schoolwork and learning habits and I am hoping that will change before the end of the year, if not we may have to try to open enroll him and move him back but that is something for later.  Back to the festival, The boys each got enough tickets to ride 4 rides each, David rode on the spinning ride once and the pirate ride three times.  Jack was not big enough to ride those rides, although he wanted to very badly, so he had to settle for the smaller rides.  After the rides we then let the boys spend the rest of their money on a game and some candy and a drink while we waited for the fire works.  The fire works went off at ten and lasted twenty-five minutes and the boys decided to sit on the hood of the car to watch them and they loved them.  With the conclusion of the fireworks we then came home and although Jack and Max were passed out, David was still wide awake.  I brought Max in first and put him in his bed then Jack to his bed and David was still awake and not tired.  Since David wasn't tired I decided to make him up a multiplication test and time him to get it done hoping that would make him tired.  I gave him seven minutes to complete it and he had a minute to spare and got them all correct, this did not make him tired though, he then went up to his room and began reading his book to put himself to sleep, he was reading until 1 a.m. before finally falling asleep and that was the extent of our day. 

School, two weeks down, homework still a struggle but classwork getting better

Two weeks of school (8 days due to the holiday) over.  Homework is still an issue but I assume he's doing better completing assignments in school as he is not bringing home as much work as he was in Lordstown for not completing it in class.  For the most part his homework has been in math.  He is good in math and know the answers but it is hard for him to get the answers from his brain, to his hand, and then onto the paper.  It has taken him a couple of hours to complete the homework every night and he gets frustrated because we don't want to let him do anything (visit grandma, watch TV, play outside) until it is done.  He is distracted the whole time while doing his homework because he is thinking about what he's going to do when he finishes it.  The outside noises are also a distraction and so are his two little brothers.  On Wednesday he moved about 5 different times trying to find a quiet spot to do his homework.  He has a desk in his closet to do his homework and it's generally quiet in there but on that day Max was fussing, the air conditioner was on and the neighbor was mowing his grass.  He was extremely overwhelmed and frustrated and kept moving, to find a quiet spot, it was about 5:10 pm and he was only half done but we had to leave to make it to his soccer game so he had to finish when he got back home.  We arrived back at home around 7:30 and fed him and then made him finish his homework and he had it finished around 9pm.  He was so tired when he finished it that he set it at the foot of his bed and forgot to put it into his binder and he forgot it at home which made him upset because he took all that time to complete it.  Luckily the teacher let him hand it in a day late.  Aside from homework though he seems to be doing good in class.  Yesterday he had a spelling test and a math test.  He received a 101% (all 20 words plus bonus word correct)  and he also received an 'A' on his timed math test.  At this point the only main concern that we have is with his language arts class.  There are three different classes; 1,2 and 3.  David is in 1.  Classes 1 and three have the same spelling lists whereas Class 2 has a slightly harder list, which we are assuming is the "advanced" class.  When we were reviewing the lists David said "these are first grade words" so we had him spell thee extra five words that are on the "Class 2" spelling list and he spelled those too.  David has been tested and is reading at a seventh grade level and his spelling is impeccable, sometimes his mom has him spell words for her.  This is David's first year at this new school and it's understanding that they don't know him, and due to his IEP that he has in place that is most likely the reason that he wasn't put in the advanced class.  We did express our concern with the language arts teacher and she said that she let the principal know the situation and they are going to set up a meeting between her, the school counselor, the principal and us to discuss what is best and see where we go from there.  I hope they can move him to the other class because if he continually has lists like these and moving at a slower pace I think that he will get extremely bored and they may lose his interest and that's the last thing that we want to happen.  They explained that his schedule correlates with the special education schedule that way if he ever needs help then he can go there.  We would rather David struggle and be challenged than to move at a slower pace and get left behind.  We hope that we are doing the right thing and we believe that we are.  Although David has an IEP in place he is very intelligent, sometimes he just needs a little extra time to finish his work because of the processing delay that takes extra time for him to get the words from his head to the paper.  If he were still at Lordstown I'm sure that he would be challenged because the teachers and staff there had four years growing up and getting to know him so they know his strengths and weaknesses but since this is his first year at LaBrae the teachers and staff didn't have that privilege of getting to know the student, David.  We believe that in a few months they will get to know him better and learn him but he needs challenged now before he gets too far behind.  Just remember that no one knows your child better than you as a parent, so whatever you believe is best for your child make sure that you push that issue and let it go from there.

Finally read "Look me in The Eye" by J.E. Robison, this is my take from it

I finally read the book "Look me in The Eye-My Life With Asperger's " by John Elder Robison.  It was a great read and I noticed that a lot in his book reflect a lot of David in his young life and a lot of me.  There are many differences in between our cases too.  What struck me first was about when John's younger brother was born he stayed by him and gave him a nickname of Snort but then his brother outgrew that nickname so he had to change it to Varmint.  David never really gave his brother a nickname but he calls him other names besides based on the circumstances.  David was really excited when Jack was born and loved him and talked to him and taught him a lot.  Jack then started walking, then talking and at that stage David started to get a little annoyed with him, he didn't give him a nickname like Varmint but he often thinks of him that way.  Although Jack gets on David nerves sometimes David still loves his little brother and teaches him things everyday, as what I got out of John's book that's the same situation he had.  According to the book John used to like to use his brother as a test dummy and David seems to like to do that with his brother too.  David now has another little brother named Maxwell whom is eight months old now and he loves to talk baby talk to him and hold him and teach him things too.  While my wife was pregnant with Max, David said "I can't believe I was excited to have this little brother that turned into a disaster, and now I can't believe I'm excited to have another little disaster."  He also often jokes "Please don't drop Max on his head, we don't need another Jack."  Although both of his brothers can annoy him at times he still loves them but only when he wants to.  One difference between John Elder and David is that John's father was an alcoholic and David's isn't, however my father was an alcoholic which I believe led me away from it.  I'm not going to lie, I do like to enjoy a monthly beer but nothing to make me unstable or unpleasant to be around as I can do that without alcohol.  The thing that I share with John is that we were both diagnosed later in life, John was 40, which was much older than me at the age of 27 however I believe for both of us it would have been easier growing up if we knew of our disorder.  David was actually diagnosed before I was.  According to the book John did poorly in school although his extreme wealth of knowledge and if it weren't for David's early intervention and the school stepping in and notifying us in Kindergarten, his diagnosis may have been overlooked and would have the same problems in school.  David's gym teacher was the first to address the issue of his processing delay and from there we pushed for testing and received the diagnosis and was able to establish an individualized education plan (IEP) which gives him extra time to complete his work in school and allows separate settings for testing in a quiet room due to his sensory issues.  If this information had been available during John's time then he may have not been looked at as defective and would most likely have finished school.  Me on the other hand I enjoyed school for the most part.  I didn't make many friends although I had some but I enjoyed the attention from the teachers and I made it a point to excel in my work because I knew that teachers liked good students.  I also found homework and any schoolwork challenging and relaxing at the same time.  Despite my grades, a lot of my actions made me look like an outcast and a bad child, I spent many times standing on the wall during recess because of my behavior in class and I have also been suspended from the bus a few times and a couple times from school.  Later on in the book I can relate to the story based on the jobs that he went through, according to the literature up until he started his own business he was in and out of jobs and didn't really hold down a gig for longer than two years.  As for me my longest tenures were in the U.S. Navy for three years and then three years working for a refractory company, all the other jobs I had lasted an average of 9-12 months.  The constant job change is mainly due to my inability to adapt with the social settings around me.  I am also confrontational at times when I see things are not being done according to procedure, being performed unsafely, or if I see an easier way to do a task.  A lot of employers don't like the creativity as they think I am looking at it that they may have not thought the process through correctly in which is not the case.  The other co-workers also tend to have a problem with that because they think I am downplaying them, or it makes me look arrogant in which is also not my intentions.  Since my diagnosis last year I have been going to counseling on a regular basis to try to cope with these issues and try to adapt to the social surroundings, however helpful this may be I still tend to struggle in some areas as I am unable to read facial expressions and I don't really catch on to sarcasm.  This book gave me an insight both at his life but also made me think back on times in my life and the observations that I've seen in David's young life.  I really enjoyed reading the book and I encourage anyone with asperger's or autism; or have a connection to it in any way such as a child, sibling, cousin or student, to read this book as it may answer many questions.  My wife convinced me to read it and I put it off for a few months but now I'm glad that I read it and now I'm about to start on his book "Be Different" which I hope to be just as fun filled.

Second Day of school and Meet the teacher, so far so good

Today was the second day of school, and after school was "Meet the teacher" in which we were in attendance.  This year the students exchange classrooms and during registration we requested that David not be placed in class with his cousin.  The school did comply with that request but they informed us that the students have their own schedules so they may have a class together.  They didn't change any classes yesterday but they did today.  The first thing that David said when he got off the bus was "guess what class I had today?"  We made a few guesses then he excitedly exclaimed "Science!"  The way the schedule works they alternate between Social Studies and Science on Mondays, then they have Social Studies on Tuesday and Thursday and Science on Wednesday and Friday.  We asked him if he had any homework and then he said "no, but you guys have some" and then we asked him if he had any classes with his cousin and he told us that she was in all of them except home room.  They don't do anything in homeroom except for wait for the first class to start so the attempt to keep them separated so David wouldn't be tempted to talk and be distracted during class sort of failed.  They said that if we wanted to we could call the school and try to have the schedules changed but David really likes his science/social studies teacher and if we have him change schedules he may get put in a different class so we are just going to not worry about it unless things get out of hand.  He should be fine.  He told us that they sat on completely different sides of the classroom so the separation should be good enough.  During meet the teacher David showed around and introduced us to the teachers that he had today.  He was most excited to introduce us to Mrs. Bollinger, the science teacher, however we already knew her from when we were in school as she coached my wife in basketball and I just seen her in the halls.  I really hope that she takes a liking to him since science is David's favorite subject and she should because David is a really likeable boy, however she also teaches social studies which David shows less interest in but it is still one of his strong subjects.  When he introduced us to her she said "I know David pretty good, I asked everyone to tell me what made them think of science and David gave me a lot of examples then at the end he said 'I could go on but I don't think we have enough time left for that.'"  She told us that story with a smile on her face and I think that first impression was a good start for David and I hope the rest of the school year is just as good.  David's second favorite room was the Language arts room, mainly because of the little reading nook in the back of the room with a bean bag chair and a few other chairs, David really loves to read.  We informed her about David's reading levels but also explained a section of his IEP in which he may need extra time to write out his answers.  He has great answers when he has to recite them but when it comes to putting the words from his brain to the paper it is hard on him because of his lack of fine and gross motor skills and his processing delay, both results of his asperger's.  She seemed to be very understanding of that and she also seemed to enjoy the presence of David in her class.  I am really glad that he has already made a positive impression on the teachers in just the two short days that he has been there.  It is going to be a great year.  We are very supportive of David and I believe the teachers have noticed that already.

First day at a new school went pretty well.

Well, today was David's first day at his new school.  It seemed like he had a hard time sleeping last night, either because he was excited or nervous or a little of both.  He didn't get into his bed until around 10:00 PM last night, we usually put him in bed by 9, and instead of going straight to sleep he decided to read a book until a little after 11 PM then around 11:30 he got up to go to the bathroom and he didn't actually all asleep until midnight.  My wife and me had the alarm set to wake him at at 7:00 AM, however he woke himself up at a quarter til seven, got dressed and came downstairs and put on "Star Trek" on Netflix.  David usually never wakes up that early for school, and for the most part it is usually a struggle for us to get him out of bed in the morning so I was surprised about this morning's routine.  I think he wanted to get in an episode "Star Trek" before school, as he started watching the old episodes since he found out they were on Netflix, but there may have been other reasons.  He seemed excited about starting the year at a new school.  I'm sure he'll miss his friends from his old school but he didn't show it.  I know when I started at a new school in second grade I was extremely nervous especially since it was part way into the school year.  David has two cousins that go to that school, the one is in high school now but the other one is in his grade and they've been close since they were born and I think that's why David was excited about the new school because he would get to see his cousin.  He also got to see some of the kids that he already met and befriended from the baseball and soccer seasons, so I think his transition was probably easier than mine because he knew people whereas I didn't.  My wife was nervous all day and anxious for him to get home to find out how his day was and I assured her that LaBrae is a great school and everything will be fine.  David got off the bus a little after 4:00 PM, which I'm hoping was a first day thing because that is late to get home, and we asked him how his day was.  He said that he had a good day and that he read a Goosebumps book.  My wife asked if he went to library today, which he has been excited about since he seen the size and number of books available, and he told us "no, that's what the teacher had available, if we went to library I would have gotten something bigger and better than that."  David loves to read.  Today was his first day of fourth grade and last school year during an assessment toward the end of the year his reading level was at 7.2 which is equivalent to seventh grade second month.  Although he is in a different classroom than his cousin he did get to see her during recess and he said that she made him a little leery of a boy named Dalton even though he thought Dalton was a good kid.  He told us "I think she was just mad at him because he broke up with her."  David really seemed to enjoy his fist day of school and we were glad.  Hopefully tomorrow and the rest of the school year goes just as good.  Tomorrow is the school open house so maybe we will get the chance to speak with his teacher.  Naturally there is no homework on the first day of school, except for the parents, but I'm a little anxious to see how the homework issue goes down this year as it has been a real struggle in the past.  Overall David had a good day at school and we were able to get him in bed by 9:00 tonight.

School starting in a few days.

Another school year is about to start on Tuesday however this year will be a little different.  We have moved school districts and although we decided to let David stay at his former school for the remainder of last year we have also decided that he would be going to his new school at the beginning of this school year.  My wife and me are both graduates of the school that he is going into so that makes me a little more comfortable with it because I know the organization and I know they are a great school.  Change is hard on aspies however, hopefully, we have made that change easier.  When baseball came around David knew that he was going to be changing schools so he wanted to play for the new school's team to meet people that he will be going to school with, his cousin also goes to this school so he knows a few of the kids already.  One change that we may have not been able to adapt to is the class size, at his former school they averaged 40-50 kids per grade and in the new school at least 100 per grade.  They do have more teachers to accommodate the larger number of students so the class sizes are the same.  This year they will be exchanging classes and each kid has their own schedule they are supposed to follow and this is something that David has not had to do before, they did exchange classes for a couple of subjects at his old school but they did it as an entire class so this means that their will be different kids in each different class that he goes to so hopefully he can adapt to that.  We have met the fourth grade special education teacher and took him for a tour of the school to get him used to it because we felt this would be better to do now rather than when school starts that way he won't be too overwhelmed.  The teacher that he has this year is a first year teacher, my wife had a little concern about it but I told her that he will be fine because I feel since she is a first year teacher then she has to establish and prove herself so she would probably work extra hard to achieve that status, hopefully I'm right.  The only other concern that I have is with the events that unraveled at the end of the last baseball season, hopefully not many of the kids from the team will remember the incident and I don't think many of them even knew what happened.  David was still included and involved with those children and they welcomed him and played with him so hopefully they will treat him the same way at school.  I know that David likes friends, as most aspies do, but the reason why we seem that we don't care is because it's hard for us to make friends and usually takes a while to warm up to someone before opening up to them, or at least that's how I feel when it comes to making friends.  Overall I believe that we have took all the precautions to make the change easier on David and we are hoping for support from the school and looking forward to another great school year.

Aspies generally have high pain tolerance, or total disregard to pain

I've noticed that high pain tolerance, or just total disregard to pain is a common thing amongst aspie and autistic people and this may be a scary thing.  David and myself both have high tolerance to pain and have disregarded many things however the reason I am bringing this up now is because David, who is nine, had an incident a few days ago that should have received more treatment reminded me of an incident that I had when I was eight years old.  David stayed the night at (great) grandma and grandpa's house and we didn't pick him up until later on the next day so we were not there when he got hurt we only heard about it.  David fell and got a gash in his leg and then he told grandma about it and then told her that he was going to bandage it up.  Grandma said that she only got a quick glance at it and it didn't look too bad and she thought that it was just a small scratch but when we took off the bandaging later on there was a huge gash in his leg about 1/4" wide and 2" long and it looked deep but he handled it and said he was fine.  The incident that happened to me when I was eight actually happened during my eight, and final, birthday party as this was the first party at the new house all of my cousins and aunts and uncles were there and since I knew the landscape I thought that everything was so cool and had to show my cousins around.  There are two ponds on the property separated by a two foot strip of land so I decided that I would walk them between the narrow strip of land and halfway through I slipped and fell and landed onto a broken piece of glass about an inch deep and across however I just stood right back up and instead of instinct telling me to take the glass out common knowledge told me to leave it in for if I had taken it out it would have started to bleed and then would have mostly caused panic and drew attention on me and probably got me a hospital visit.  The last thing that I wanted was to have to go to the hospital because my parents agreed to let my aunt and uncle take me back home with them and stay for a couple of days and I was excited about that since we moved quite a distance away I haven't seen them for about six month before that and I was used to seeing them at least once a week.  Nobody was able to notice the glass in my ankle as I was able to keep it fairly concealed and the only way that someone found out was when I was at my cousins house my aunt made me take a bath, after about twenty minutes she came in to give me a towel and tell me to get out when she my ankle and asked what was in it and I told her nothing and that's when she proceeded to take out the glass and blood came spewing out so we had to gauze it up and of course she had to call my mom to tell her about it, they were both panicky and furious about the situation and all I could remember thinking is what's the problem, it's no big deal, it doesn't hurt and it's bandaged up now just let me hang out with my cousins.  I ended up staying that night and one extra night with them before coming home when my parents actually seen the  wound and thought it needed more treatment when I convinced them that it only needed clean band-aids and some neosporin.  That is the story of me and why I didn't tell anyone, as far as David's reasoning I'm not sure about other than I'm guessing that he just wanted to keep playing and wanted to go swimming and we may have not let him if we knew exactly how bad it was.  Those are just a couple of examples of the more severe pain tolerance that we have overcome however there have been many more instances in which in most cases would have ended up in emergency room visits but not in ours.  This may be a scary situation for parents of autistic children because of our total disregard to pain and injury you never know how bad something truly is because we don't know how bad it truly is and can't answer truthfully on the pain scale, and although we've had many minor incidents there could have been more severe ones.  The other issue is that most aspie and autistic children crave impact as a form of release and I have burnt myself a few times to let out some pressure because I actually like the pain, I have not seen David doing anything that severe yet other than just throwing himself on the ground however he is still only nine and I haven't started doing anything more severe until my teenage years.  I have never done any cutting or anything more severe than burning however all people are different in ways of releasing their tensions so I am going to say it would be best to find alternate measures of stimming at a young age before having to deal with it during the adolescent years as many studies indicate that those are the most critical years as far as rage, violence and self inflicted pain.  I don't want to scare anyone however I also don't want anyone to be surprised if your aspie or autistic child goes through these phases.

which activity is best for your aspie?

As many of you are aware from previous postings David is not the greatest baseball player and this year was a little different being on a new team with a new coaching staff.  The coaching staff that he had at Lordstown was great and was more about having fun rather than winning and David enjoyed being on that team a lot better because there was less pressure and more fun being on the team however that was not the case this past season and midway through the season he started to lose interest in the game thusfore making his performance worse.  I'm not sure if that is because of the  coaching or the change in atmosphere but at this time I am thinking it was the  coaching.  Midway through the baseball season they had soccer sign-ups in which David requested that we sign him up for so we immediately did so as he generally doesn't make requests like that however he always had more fun playing soccer than baseball.  Since the end of the baseball season David took a liking to two different sports in which he has been excelling in which include soccer and archery.  This year during summer fun days at Lordstown they offered a course in archery and this was David's first try at it, he immediately took a liking to it that during the second half of fun days he begged to drop the course that replaced archery to get back into it.  During the Trumbull County fair this year they had a station set up with targets and people set up with bows and arrows to teach the kids how to shoot and David spent a good 45 minutes there shooting at the targets until he got tired, and even once he was tired he kept wanting to go on however we made him take a break.  He was explaining to us all the parts of the bow and how to shoot and we were very surprised at how much he enjoyed this sport so we told grandma and grandpa about it.  Of course, with grandpa having everything you can think of, he went out to the barn and pulled out and old re-curve bow and an old compound bow and all we had to do was clean them up and wax the strings and buy a few arrows and some targets and David has been practicing ever since, however he is very particular about who he lets touch his re-curve and watching you like a hawk to make sure you are handling it properly when he lets you touch it.  That's about it for the archery, now at this time we are three weeks into the soccer season having only conducted practices so far and one scrimmage game with the season starting on Monday.  The coach seems a lot more fun and very kid oriented and quite helpful and David has taken a great liking to him so far and loves playing soccer.  He is a lot more team focused and participating a lot better than he ever did playing baseball and this could either be due to the coach making fun of the game or the fact that there is a lot less surprises when he's playing soccer.  In baseball there is a lot of guess work as to where the pitcher is going to put the ball, where a hitter is going to hit the ball and how the runners are moving on each play, in soccer there is a lot less guess work and more of going after the ball and getting the job done and I think that is more relaxing for David and makes it that much easier to get into the game.  So far David has been complimented many times on his defensive blocks and ball movement and that is something that never happened in baseball and that positive reinforcement helps him achieve more and keep getting better.  As for now David said he wants to stick to soccer and archery and doesn't want to do baseball anymore and we are fine with that as long as he is doing one sport to keep him busy it might as well be something that he enjoys doing however we will also let him make the final decision about playing baseball next year whether he wants to play or not.  The hardest choice for him is that he likes to be on a team and wants to hang out with friends however he doesn't want to play the sport anymore because he doesn't think he is that good and a lot of that was in part on how his coach treated him in the post season.  In closing what I am trying to say is if your aspie is not good, or just doesn't like one sport don't push him and force him to play it because that will not do them any good as they will not try if they are not interested or don't want to be there however don't let them give up on sports all together, just have them try out new sports or activities.  Even if there are no sports they want to participate in it is always good to have them focus on something they enjoy or love, in our case with David he loves archery so we will let him stick with that.  Maybe sports aren't something good for your aspie because of developmental levels they still may be good at art or music, and it is good to encourage them to strive in their strong suit because they need that outlet.  The more outlets they have the better off they are but don't choose their outlets for them as they are the only ones that know what they want to do so when they say "I want to do archery" or "I want to play soccer" or "I don't really want to play baseball or football I would rather be in the band" just listen to them and let them make that decision.  Thank you everyone for reading and I hope you have enjoyed the rest of my postings.

Clarification to my previous post

Hello everyone, I know it's been a week since my last post however I got a bad review after my family read it and they were not happy and called and came over to show their disgust.  I'm not sure what led to that, everything was truthful in it, I will blame their reading comprehension on that.  Apparently they thought that I was calling my parents bad parents for not seeing things growing up and that is not the case, after reviewing my last post I do not recall ever coming across me stating bad parenting all I was stating is that I want them to accept my condition knowing the diagnosis now.  I could go on and question their parenting but I won't do that, I just want some truthful answers of my childhood and the way that I acted as a kid to have closure on my diagnosis.  My mother told me that once she sees a document stating the diagnosis then maybe she'll believe it so I contacted my counselor and she is going to get paperwork for me to give to them however I don't know if this will work or not.  The intention of my blog is not to hurt anyone's feelings it is just a way of expressing my feelings in the best way that I know how, through writing.  I do ask that if you have any snide remarks or comments though that you understand entirely what you are reading instead of reading a few lines in one post and basing an opinion.  When my sister came over here and she asked "Why do you always have to badmouth them when they don't help you out?"  Well if she would have seen the time stamp on the posts she would have realized that I wrote that post before I asked for any assistance, besides before I asked for the help I already knew the answer was going to be no and that's why I try not to ask them because I know that the answer is always going to be no but I figured it was worth a shot to ask.  They did help me out one time before and nagged me every day until they were paid back.  Mom likes to always tell me "It's not my fault that you can't keep a job."  and the truth is that it isn't, nor is it mine but it is the fault that employers need to be educated of the social aspects and strengths that aspergers has in the workforce and until that day comes I will continue to struggle maintaining employment although counseling has helped greatly there are just some issues that can't be ironed out.  Instead of throwing that in my face all the time though she could be a little more supportive and understanding of the situation even though they think I'm making up my diagnosis and the diagnosis of David which is not the case, doctors don't just throw a label on something unless they are certain.  The other thing that they don't support or agree with is David's food allergies, trust me we would not be making that up if he were able to have milk and eggs because we would much rather him be able to have those items but he is allergic to them, they can kill him but my parents think we're over-exaggerating.  They don't realize how hard it is to make sure David can have something at a restaurant and then we have to get the expensive (soy) cheese, milk and ice cream for him and make special cakes and other pastries for him.  The fact that he has food allergies is a financial struggle to start with but throw on the fact of aspergers and that is makes the situation twice as hard, and then the fact that I have aspergers too and have a hard time sustaining income (other than unemployment) to combat these extra fees just makes it more of a struggle however my parents think that we are blowing this all out of proportion in order to gain sympathy, this is not the case for if we wanted sympathy there are a lot of cheaper ways to get it.  The mere thing that I am asking for is acceptance and support from them for if I can get them to accept the conditions then the easier it is on us rather than them nitpicking and questioning our parenting skills and picking on our kids.  The other thing that my sister brought up when she came over was "I don't know what you told aunt Gail because when she stopped over at mom's she seemed a little different, I mean I don't care what you said because I don't think she's the best judge of character so don't think that I care what she thinks.  Did you tell them that mom and dad were bad parents, if that's the case I don't care, do you really think I care what she thinks?"  Well to answer that I didn't really say much to aunt Gail other than catching up since what happened since February, which was the last time I seen her, and just getting together and letting two of her grand kids play with our boys while we were just talking about the past few months.  I did ask her a few questions about my childhood in which she stated that she didn't see much that raised a red flag or had anybody asking 'what's wrong with that kid' and she told me a few things from my past and how sweet and caring I was.  She told me that all the cousins had their uniqueness about them (I was ,and still am, the pyro) and she also told me of the time when I was four when I picked all of her neighbors flowers to give to my mom and although the gesture warm at heart she said her nerves were a mess because she knew eventually she would have to tell the neighbor what happened to all the tulips she waited for all winter.  I may have stated how I felt when we visit my parents but what I told her was the truth of how they make us feel when we are there, other than that I didn't state any of their parenting skills growing up rather than I wanted to know how she saw me as a child as I did spend a lot of time with her in my younger years and my parents don't offer up that information to me when I ask them.  So the  answer to  the question of "What did you tell aunt Gail?" is "Nothing" and the answer to "Do you think I care what aunt Gail thinks?" is "Well, yes, I actually do think you care of her opinion because if you didn't you would even bring that up."  Needless to say I told them to understand better where my last post was coming from they needed to read the rest of my blog, my mom asked if there was more in there that would make her mad and I told her that there probably was but it is my feelings at the time of posting. Also when my sister was here she told me that mom was going to help me out until I wrote the post in which I responded "bullshit she had no intention of that, if so she would have said okay to begin with instead of 'I don't think so, you should see what other arrangements you can make,'" and then she asked if this was a jealousy issue because I brought up how mom and dad always help her out such as signing for a car, not co-signing but actually signing and taking out the loan in their name for her car, and also how they bought a swimming pool because she kept begging.  She told me that mom and dad felt she was more responsible and that's why they signed for the care and as far as the pool goes that's for all the grand kids. Now I wouldn't go as far as saying the pool is for all of the grand kids as much as it is for my sister's kids, in who my parents always favored, mainly because of the fact that we are not invited over.  My sister went on to tell me that I could just show up, I don't have to wait for an invitation in which then I retorted that I do have to have an invite to come over because without one I feel like a bigger inconvenience and more unwanted than they already make me feel.  In closing I would like to state that I am not calling my parents bad parents as I will also not state that they are good parents I'm just stating that I want them to accept me for me and my kids for who they are and show a little support, if you treat me like crap while I'm there and act like you don't want my company then I am fine with that, I won't come over.  Also when you talk about me please don't refer to me as your "mule" as so far this has been the most degrading comment that I have ever received from anyone as the negativity that I took away from that comment, whether intentional or not, that should not be the way you refer to you son or any of your children.  I would also like to state that I am not upset with the sister that showed up to complain at me as right now I feel that she is the only chance that I have of my parents accepting David's and my conditions due to the fact that if she ever finally agrees and then educates my parents then they may actually listen and not make me feel so unwanted and maybe I won't have to worry about trying to please them to gain acceptance.

Parents don't agree although everyone else is on board

A couple days ago my wonderful Aunt made a drive out to our new house to catch up with me and talk.  She has been reading my blog and I have been asking her questions about my childhood and other instances and asked for some advice and to get her thoughts on how we are handling David's situation but in order to answer fully she wanted to get some more information.  She told me about when I was younger how sweet and caring I was and that she can't recall anyone saying "What's wrong with that kid?"  She did tell me about a time when I was in third grade when my mom called her because of something that I did on the bus and got in trouble but that's about the only trouble she knew of because she wasn't in the home with us and didn't know everything that was going on.  After speaking with her she sees some things from my past however I have been trying to explain David's and my diagnoses for the past couple of years to my family (parents and sisters) and they keep saying "I don't see anything wrong."  Every time I try to explain things to them they always try to belittle me and usually after a while of arguing I just get fed up realizing they will never understand and give up and leave.  They like to tell me about how I was when I was younger, I was cooking and cleaning and doing my own laundry when I was nine, mowing the grass when I was seven and fixing things and setting up electronics (VCR, computer and other small motor projects) by the time I was seven or eight.  I asked if they ever thought these were unnatural behaviors and they just say "No, we just thought you were advanced."  My mother was usually napping and my father was either working or drinking so needless to say my mother didn't really spend a lot of time monitoring my movements and when my dad was not working or didn't cap open his first beer of the day yet all I wanted to do was go out and play ball or toil in the garden and try to spend time with him.  The reason that I used to cook for myself was because I didn't want anyone else to touch my food because there was a certain way that I wanted it prepared, even though I ate what the rest of the family was having I had to make my own to make sure that it was prepared right.  I often cooked for the rest of the family too because I had fun doing so and I was proud when my work was done, as far as the laundry I had my own procedure that made putting the clothes away easier for me, I liked to mow the grass again for the reason that I was proud when the job was complete and I liked to make designs in the yard, each time was a different design and always with the push mower.  I'm not sure if I did it for the pleasure of completing the job or because my body enjoyed the vibration and jarring from the mower but either way I don't think any nine or ten year old child would normally volunteer to push a mower over five acres for fun when a riding one was available although I did enjoy the riding mower too for the same effects of the vibration.  With the electronics I just think that it's every boys curiosity to find out how things work so that's really no big deal there.  I raise other issues such as how I used to eat my clothes when I was younger, acting out in school, getting easily frustrated, Never having friends in my own age group (they were all either significantly older such as teachers, aunts and grandparent age or significantly younger such as my really young cousins, nieces and people quite younger.  Granted I did have a few friends in my age group but they are people that chose to reach out to me because I wouldn't reach out to them.  They like to tell me how I played football (I enjoyed the impact more than the game) and how I'm a Navy veteran (Administrative Discharge under honorable conditions) and I can get jobs.  Well it is true that I can get jobs, my problem is maintaining those jobs because of the social aspects of Aspergers.  They also tell me that they don't see anything wrong with David, sure his speech is hard to understand but he is reading at a seventh grade level.  I try to explain that aspergers doesn't ,mean stupid but it is merely a fact of social inability and struggles adapting with peers and there are many other aspects of the disorder.  They like to think that my wife and me fabricate the diagnosis (as we "did" with his food allergies) because we wanted an easy answer.  Well to be quite contradictory this is not an easy answer as it took nearly three years to get a formal diagnosis with much testing.  The problem that I am having is that other people around me that know me and have grown up with me such as aunts (both mine and my wife's), former teachers of mine and current teachers of David and former classmates and my two best friends can totally see that there is something going on with both David and me but I can not get my parents to see this.  Of all the avenues that I try I just can not get them to listen or understand, I try to give them literature to read to understand the condition, I try to ask questions of my childhood and explain why I don't think those are normal and try to reflect how David at his age is extremely similar to how I was at that age.  How can I get my parents to listen?  I have tried to avoid them at times because they make us feel unaccepted when we are there and they don't ever come over here however as soon as they call for questions or help I am always right on top of it because I am trying so hard to seek their approval.  Family is priority to me and I want to keep them close but they make me feel so distant so I want to stay away but I can't and I just wish they could understand the struggles that both David and me put up with on a daily basis, and most of all the struggles that my wife has to go through every day having to put up with both of us.  If anyone has any suggestions on this matter please feel free to let me know as I feel I have run out of options.

Addition to my intro

As I was writing my intro I forgot to mention the tremendous support and love that my wife expresses toward me everyday and how it is hard to cope with your partner, especially if the diagnosis is recent.  I decided to add a part about how grateful I am for my wife and all of her support and to let everyone know that once you find out of your spouses diagnosis the best thing you can do is support them and work with them.  This is the selection I added;

As far as relationships go I never really knew how to talk to women, granted I had a lot of female friends in school I was unable to express how I felt toward them.  My best friend actually introduced me to a girl, who is now my wife, and I talked to her for a while and we started dating however it was more so my writings rather than my words that attracted her as I felt more comfortable writing.  Over the years since our marriage we have had some problems as most couples do mostly surrounding how she feels that I don’t love her like I used to, however that is not the case.  Although we have been married for nearly 10 years now it is still much easier for me to express my love to her through writing letters and poetry and since the diagnosis she understands this better.  I commend my wife for all of her support and for sticking with me for so long even though sometimes I make her feel inferior because I have to correct anything wrong she says and although we do argue a lot she still supports me and gives me ways and tips on how I could have said it better to not come off so strong as this has been a big issue with the jobs that I’ve had and my interactions with my co-workers.  Having Aspergers is really hard in relationships however the more supportive and understanding you are of your partner it is easier to understand and deal with them and if that does not work you should never be ashamed of counseling as it is a great help too.

Intro to the book I am working on

As some of you who are following may know, I have begun working on a book.  I'm not too far along yet because of my many distractions and how precise I have to be with my grammar, however I would just like to share the introduction of what I am working on, also If you have any ideas on a catchy title please feel free to share them.

Introduction

            Hello everyone, my name is Jeremy Gut and I am a 28 year old man with Aspergers syndrome.  I am married to a wonderful woman and have three beautiful boys; the oldest of the three also has Aspergers.  In my school years I was a rather well known individual; however I lacked friends and was limited mainly due to the way that I treated other students.  I was not a physical bully but sometimes with my words I did offend or say the wrong things to many people.  I played and lettered in football and also lettered by throwing shot-put in track.  I graduated high school with a 3.7 grade point average on a scale of 4.0 with my strongest subjects in math, history and English.  Midway through my senior year I decided to enlist in the military to commence as soon as I graduated and shipped out one month after graduation.

 I am a veteran of the United States Navy, with many commendations, in which I served honorably and was medically discharged after three years.  Since my discharge from the Navy I have attained several positions in the workforce, primarily in the production and manufacturing fields, however most ended on account of my poor social skills and inability to handle stress and the nonsense of the other employees.  I performed these jobs with precision and always in a timely manner and usually submitted ideas to improve proficiency and have a perfect attendance record.  Although all of my employers loved my work ethic it is due to the fact that I am unable to communicate properly and that does not tend to make me many friends.  I did not realize these acts were unacceptable until recently and have since been working on the issues.

As I look back on my life through my childhood, adolescence and adult I realize now that a lot of the behaviors I possessed were traits of Aspergers.  I was never tested as a child because my parents felt that nothing was wrong, however I see many red flags that should have been raised and a diagnosis sooner in life would have made it a lot easier on me today.  I was not diagnosed until a month before my 27^th birthday, and the main reason that I had to seek treatment was because of an argument at work involving another co-worker and myself and as a means to return to work I had to get documentation of my condition and seek counseling.  My wife, since our oldest son David’s diagnosis, felt that I carried all of the same traits of my son and thought that maybe I suffered the condition also and urged me to seek counseling for a while however I ignored that for nearly two years, had I listened to her and sought treatment and help sooner that that argument would have never existed.

With this writing I intend to point out issues throughout my life from as far back as I can remember and try to explain why I think now, understanding that I have Aspergers syndrome, why they were bad behaviors.  I will also illustrate how my parents could have seen the indicators and prepared me better as my wife and me are trying to do with our son, and also to point out that Aspergers is a good trait to have but really frustrating to deal with.  I am going to illustrate my struggles through school, sports, the military and my work life and ways that I could have handled them better knowing now what I should have known then.  I hope some of this information may be useful to others and I hope that you will enjoy what you read.