Youth sports should be about fun and developing this is a Facebook posts from my wife and friend

LAC should be ashamed for what they have done to my son. Yes he has Aspergers and is not on track physically with the other boys. He is though on track mentally beyond his age limit. He has every right to be included in the tournaments with his team mates. We never expected him to even be played, but he can hang out and be included. David has never missed a game or practice all season. We have received all text/email/phonecall conversations from his coach about every game or rescedule. There is no excuses we were not told about his games this time. We could be just like that coach and go above him and have the team lose because of what they did, but we won't because we are better then that.


my best friend's son was not allowed to play with his baseball team in tournaments because of his aspergers. he is in third grade and tries his hardest at every game he never missed a practice. the coach conveniently I left david's family out of schedule updates for tournaments. he also refused to return text messages or messages from their family. what a coward. I am very proud of david for all that he is accomplish this year.

Hidden Disability -Another new poem by me

I wish that you could see
My hidden disability
It may not be easy to spot
Until you speak with me.

Sure I am able to do many things
But socializing is not one for me
No matter how much I try to
I just can't talk to you.

My disability is harder to explain
Because unless you're willing to take the time
You'll never understand what I'm going through
And no matter how hard I try
I will never get my point across to you.

Sure I may be smart
That's because I'm always thinking
Please don't make me start
Explaining those thoughts to you.

It's true that I don't like crowds
Because they tend to get too loud
And I'm not good with human interaction
Because I'm afraid of my reactions.

Please don't try
To break me out of my shell
Because for you and me I say why
It would only be hell.

Just please let me be me
That is the easy thing to do
And if you can do that
It is easier for me to get along with you.

Now my disability may be different to you
And I know it may take
A while to get used to
But for me to adapt in society
Is very hard to do
So accept my condition as reality.

                                                           Jeremy David Gut
                                                           written: 6-25-2012
This is for everyone that doesn't understand what aspergers is, mainly inspired by my family who doesn't take David's or my condition seriously.

Another poem "That is Nothing New."

You say you don't like me
Well that is nothing new
I'm just glad to know
All the people that do.

You may call me names
And exclude me from your games
That's alright with me
Because I'll never change.

If I change my ways
I can hang out with you
So I will be alone today
Because that's not something I can do.

If you can understand how I think
I'm easy to get along with
To say I don't like people
Well that is just a myth.

Just take a little time
To get to know me better
You can share your thoughts with me
And I'll share mine with you.

The problem with me is I oft know not what to say
But just ask me the right question and I will talk all day
So you say that you don't like me
And I'm okay with that
Just cope with me for today
Then we will go our separate ways

                                                                              Jeremy David Gut
                                                                              written: 6-24-2012

I don't suffer from aspergers, I embrace it

I hear people say that they suffer from autism or aspergers.  I would just like to point out that I am not one of those ones who suffers from aspergers but I embrace it.  Sure times get tough such as social situations, workplace environments and gatherings however that is just a few downfalls compared to all of the assets.  I like to say that I have a wealth of knowledge and what I don't know it doesn't take long to learn because of the way that I see things.  I am capable of doing many things, especially predicting the weather (which makes gardening a lot easier).  The main reason that I don't feel that I don't suffer from it is because due to my social outcasts now I don't have to tolerate idiots that don't have a clue of what I'm talking about even though I "think" that I make perfect sense, but since they don't understand me they leave me alone which gives me more time to focus on the things that I love such as gardening, astronomy (not too much astrology) and of course BASEBALL.  So what I would like to encourage everyone with aspergers or autism to do is instead of saying "I suffer from aspergers/autism" just politely say "I am blessed to have aspergers/autism because God only chose the best." 

Aspergers is easier to cope with when everyone is on board

Aspergers is a lot easier to deal with when more people understand it, especially you're family.  I don't visit my family too often (mom, dad and sisters) because every time I do they say something completely out of line about David and my condition.  The worst is my older sister because her oldest daughter (14) thinks she knows what she's talking about because of what her mother says.  Instead of judging someone you should be able to learn about the condition and learn about it.  The reason I bring this up is because yesterday we went to my parents house for my dad's birthday to give him the gifts the boys got for him.  I told my dad about the interview that I had earlier in the day and the first thing he says is "Are you going to keep this one if you get it or are you going to do something stupid."  I informed him that I have not done anything stupid but the reason is because I don't get along well with others.  He then told me "Well you just need to not talk" in which I then informed him "That's my problem is that I don't socialize, but I'm working on it."  He then stated to me that I lived with him for 18 years and he didn't notice anything wrong in which sense I told him that if he were home more during those 18 years instead of soaking up all the overtime he could get that he may have noticed more.  I think I may have threw up a few red flags while I was growing up such as my speech problem, lack of friends and all the alone time that I spent either playing video games or writing poetry.  The other instance that happened yesterday was with my 14 year old niece after I told them about my interview she said "do you think you got the job or did you tell them that you're retarded?"  In which I stated that I'm not retarded, I have aspergers, and trust me I'm a hell of a lot smarter than you'll ever be.  It's complicated telling a 14 year old niece about aspergers especially if their mother fills their head with inaccurate information.  I believe if you don't know about a condition then you shouldn't try to explain it.  My niece said "Mom said you think you're protected because of being retarded but she doesn't think that should give you a right to call people names."  I then informed her that I'm not protected from that, I'm protected because of a disability that affects everyday life which is my socializing.  I don't call people names but I disagree a lot with people because they don't understand where I'm coming from and that's where I'm protected.  She then said "That is so retarded."  Needless to say we had a little debate and I asked her not to say the word retarded unless she learns what it means "retarded-slightly delayed" and that it could be hurtful, then I brought up her grades in school an A a B 3 Cs and a D and told her I was strictly an A-B student taking advanced classes (Algebra, Trig, Calculus, Biology, Physics, Chemistry) so who is the stupid one now.  I also told her of David's grades (A-B) although he is only in 3rd grade, which is the same grade as my nieces sister who is getting Cs and Ds and the teacher has problems with her that I must be doing a better job parenting my child (because I understand the condition) than her mother is.  She asked if you guys got such good grades and so advanced then how are you retarded, yes she used the word again.  I then had to explain that Aspergers isn't retarded, it's a high functioning autism, we are extremely smart because of how we see things in our head and how literal we take things and how focused we are on one thing.  Needless to say that's why I don't like to visit my family too often, however I do like to visit my dad's sister (aunt gail) because she spent a lot more time with me as a child and after I told her my diagnosis she was more understanding of it and explained better how I acted then and now.  Too bad that she lives further away than my immediate family but I wish that my family would be able to see things the same way she does.  If my family knew a little more about aspergers and autism then it might not make family functions as hard as it does when David and I are around them because they make us feel like such outcasts.  In other words it makes it a lot easier to cope with when all of your friends and family are on board and educated about the the condition however they may not ever fully agree with you and it will be extremely hard to get them to understand if they don't want to take the time to learn about it.  My wife's aunt Marcia is probably the best one to be around because she understands the conditions because she took the time to learn about it, she also takes special time to make sure that if we come over that she makes things that are "David friendly" which are milk and egg free which is another thing that my family doesn't understand about. 

My interview, David's socializing skills

I had a job interview earlier today for a company called "International Paper".  They have great wages and benefit package.  I was a little nervous going into the interview because I didn't know what they were going to ask as each one is different.  I believe that I did okay.  I tried not to mention about my social skills but since the position was for the 3-11 shift and I have counseling every other Tuesday at 6 I asked about what I should do about that.  I then told her the extent of my counseling as to why I am going and told her about my diagnosis.  Lucky for me she has heard and is aware of the syndrome and completely understands that I may not be social or may disagree at times and said that there are many things that I can use to take my mind off of it at work, she said as long as I can communicate a task (which I can) then socializing really isn't a big factor in the position as she would rather have workers rather than socialites.  I was really surprised to hear that.  She asked me to come back on Thursday to speak with her again along with the General Manager of the plant, which I'm not certain if that's a good thing or not but I think she liked my honesty and since she has heard of aspergers and understands it she may realize that we make great workers.  I have not been given an offer as of yet so we'll see how my second interview goes on Thursday.  Meanwhile today David was at bible school in the morning and then decided to hang out with his cousin the rest of the day.  His mom takes him and stays for the duration watching Jack's class so I'm not sure how he's doing with that group of people but as far as his baseball team he is getting along pretty good however he would rather be playing on the playground or going swimming rather than playing baseball.  Due to his poor motor skills he is not on the same level as the rest of the team and I think that discourages him a little bit.  We are enrolling him in a summer OT program and hopefully it is year round and hopefully they can help him with his catching and throwing.

How can employers accommodate autism

My last post was an e-mail about my employment history, in the response e-mail the woman replied that it is very hard for aspergers in the workforce because employers, CEOs, managers and co-workers need to be more informed of the situation.  She then asked how I heard about all the jobs that I have landed, how the interviews went and how I felt during the interviews and what kind of accommodations should be made in the workplace for person's with Aspergers/autism.  This post is a copy of that reply.  If you agree or disagree with what accommodations I suggested please feel free to comment and if you have any other suggestions please submit that too.  This is a woman presenting a case for all persons with Aspergers/autism in the workforce and the more power she has going up to the plate the better chances she has of knocking it out of the park.  Please work with us.

This is my reply to her questions:

In High school a lot of my other friends had jobs in the fast food business and restaurants for extra cash so I put in my application at Burger King because that's the easiest start when you are sixteen.  While I was starting my senior year I was recruited by an Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine Corps recruiters due to my high ASVAB scores (92 of 99) and I chose to go the Navy route because the recruiter told me about many jobs that interested me, one was as a nuclear engineer but at that point I didn't want to spend the time to endure the 6 years of training and schooling so the second choice was as an Operations Specialist in which navigation (electronic and celestial) was part of the primary function.  I have always enjoyed looking up at the stars and triangulating to find out where in the world I was so that was my obvious choice of job.  When I ended assignment with the Navy I found out about the sub shop from my friend and Target was in the same mall.  Also while working at the sub shop there was a security guard that was a regular and got me an application.  As far as KraftMaid, my brother in-law and about 20 other people that I went to school with were working there so I got an application.  Home Depot I just walked in and Therm-O-Link I answered to an ad in the paper.  Minerals Technologies (Minteq Intl.) was a job that my dad got for me and Johnsonite was through a temp agency.  With Minteq I was not interviewed, the shop supervisor said that if I was anything like my dad then I should be alright.  At the other interviews I felt very nervous because I didn't know how to respond to any of the questions and always felt like I did really horrible at them.  I am terrified of interviews because I think there is always one question that they ask and I am going to answer it wrong because of my honesty.  I agree with the education and quiet room.  A lot of the jobs the reason that I fail is because co-workers are not on the same page as me due to a lack of education and the people that I can hold conversations with are the engineers and persons higher up that are more educated and those are the kinds of jobs that I need to get into because then I would be in a field in which everyone thinks the same way that I do however I do not have any degrees because I can not afford it and aspergers is not seen widely as a disability so I can't receive grants.  I believe people with aspergers should be able to be assessed for positions that fit their physical and mental strengths and then match that along courses they would need to pursue a job based on those strengths and receive grants to obtain those courses.  Also all employers should be required to understand autism/aspergers and have posted somewhere near where the labor laws are posted a description of the syndrome to get the other employees acclimated to the disability so they can adjust how they speak with that individual and provide punishment for anyone that antagonizes an autistic/aspie person to see a reaction.  Also there should be a card that the individual with aspergers should be able to carry with them that states their diagnosis that they can present to possible employers such as medical cards that are carried by persons with AIDS, diabetes, deafness and other disabilities that cards are issued for.  It should also be equally recognized by the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) as someone that is deaf, blind or missing an arm.  Employers should also allow for a person a quiet area to vent or stim (spin, jump, yell, etc.) when they feel an overload as many of us get an overload with bright lights or crowds.  Also tinted glasses should be allowed for aspies to help filter out the artificial light and take off some of the sensory overload.  There are many more accommodations that can be made and if I think of any other useful ones I will let you know.  I know a thing that works for my son in school when he has sensory overloads is a rubber band that he snaps and color sheets.  If there are more questions please just ask, for that is how I communicate.  I am not good at volunteering information unless it is asked, however I am not good at stopping my answers so I am sorry for making these so long and I appreciate you taking the time to read it and care and take concern but sometimes I just don't know when to stop.  Thanks again and feel free to ask anything else you need.

My employment history

This is an e-mail that I wrote to someone requesting my work history because they needed real life stories to present to the U.N. in July.  I decided that I would just share with the rest of you what I shared with her, and if anyone else is in the same boat that I am please feel free to comment.

This is the e-mail:

I have been in the workforce since I was 16 with my first job at a Burger King.  I was extremely proficient and never had customer wait longer than 90 seconds for an order with a 0% return rate.  That made the managers very pleased however I was not good with the co-workers because a lot of the times I had to correct their mistakes.  I was let go twice because of my interactions but they always called me back because of my proficiency, after the second time they called me back they decided to make me a manager to give me more authority so the co-workers would be more apt to listening to me rather than thinking I'm just their equal.  I worked there until December 2001, my senior year in high school in which I enlisted into the United States Navy in which point I decided to quit because the stress of working with those "idiots" started to get to me.  I shipped out to Recruit Training on July 5, 2002 shortly after graduation.  I was in the Navy from July 5, 2002 until July 5, 2005 in which I attained rank of E-5, earned two Naval Achievement Medals for my work with chart plotting, correcting, navigation and track laying, expert rifle shooter medal, sharpshooter pistol ribbon, Sea Service Deployment ribbon, National Defense Service Medal and many other mentions.  Again my work was noted as proficient but I had a hard time working with the other operations specialists because I devoted my time to my primary function (radar control and chart navigation) and didn't want any help because I had a way of doing things and was very precise with my corrections and calculations.  The reason that I stood out was mainly because I wanted to stay focused on my job and didn't really talk about much else other than navigation (both electronic and celestial) but no one else really cared about all that so I took it as my main objective to make sure that I was always on watch keeping track of everything which made the others feel inferior.  I did not realize that, I thought I was just being a good shipmate.  I had three people that I hung around with, the others would just come and go, in other words I didn't really have many people in my corner to back me so my advancement was strictly by my hard work and testing in the field rather than recommendations from my superiors.  I agreed to an administrative discharge one year short of my EAOS date because my social abilities wasn't helping me at all.  I was not diagnosed with Aspergers until April of 2011 so at that time I did not realize I had it, and until my son was diagnosed and my wife decided that I needed to get tested I knew very little about the syndrome.  Since I got out of the Navy I held down many positions, obtaining 6 jobs from October 2005 until February 2008 before landing a job at a steel mill from April 2008 until May 2011 in which I was released in April, brought back by the union, and released again a month later due to my social inabilities.  I then secured another job from May 2011 until April 2012 as a temporary associate in which I was not hired in due to my social inabilities rather than my job performance.  My first position out of the Navy was working as a seasonal helper for Target working on the overnight freight team stocking shelves.  I worked there from October 2005 until February 2006 and they liked my work however the reason they said they had to let me go is because I was too particular on the placement of the items and was taking more time than what was allotted, although I knew exactly where everything was going and where to find everything in the back and I didn't have to rely on the computers to find items for customers because I knew where they were and what was coming and going.  The next position that I had was at a sub factory but that only lasted about two months because I didn't like talking to the customers and I couldn't get along with the co-workers so after that I took a position as a security guard in which that only lasted about a month because all I was doing was sitting around waiting for something to happen and became extremely bored.  The other security guards were able to talk to each other to make time go by faster but they usually never talked about what I wanted to talk about.  The next position that I was in was at KraftMaid Cabinetry from April 2006- January 2007 in which things were going well until I started taking it upon myself to help out another department to finish the products on time and a couple of the employees in that department didn't like that so they told on me because I was only trained to work on the machines but not certified and that led to my dismissal, which however I would have probably been laid off the following week anyway because they laid off 400 people the week after I was let go.  From there it took me until April to find another position in which I worked overnight freight at a Home Depot.  They had me doing the garden and paint sections because it took me very little time to find where the products went because I had a map of the store locked in my head and they loved the way that I was able to turn a normal 14 hour job into 6 hours because of my quickness and all the time that I saved.  The things that got me in trouble there was because of differences between me and two other employees that slacked off a lot on the job so I raised my opinions about them.  The first spat we were both written up, the second time was with the other employee so since I was involved in both they decided to let me go.  After that I was able to find a job at Therm-O-Link which was a wire producing and extrusion mill.  I was able to double the numbers expected by me by implementing better procedures and working with the engineers in which I have been told those same procedures are still in place.  They were very impressed with my knowledge and how I was always able to put in the crazy hours which made most of the others call off at least once a week to enjoy a little free time or take care of personal business.  I obtained that position in July of 2007 and was involved in a work related incident in October 2007 which caused my had to get caught up and wrapped in the machine.  I took a lot of time and made weekly appointments for cortisone shots other treatment in which since I worked day shift caused me a lot of times to have to leave work to make the appointments while on the clock so the company was losing a lot of money so it took them a couple months then they finally got a group of people to testify to an offense that I didn't commit so they could release me.  In April of 2008 I was able to land a job for Minteq International in which I lines steel bearing furnaces with refractories to prevent them from burning through.  I also did all the routine maintenance on all the gunning equipment and did the programming on the laser equipment.  I was the only person certified on all of the equipment and all of the persons in the mill loved the work that I performed because of time and efficiency whereas the others weren't as efficient as me.  My shop supervisor told me all the time that I am the best gunner that he had in the shop as far as work ethic, attendance and punctuality but I need to learn how to think before I speak.  In November of 2010 I decided to seek counseling in which the counselor thought I had OCD and then he said he couldn't help me if I didn't answer him.  I didn't know how to answer him so my wife decided to come with me and she decided that she didn't like him and thought I should find someone else.  In April of 2011 I found a counselor that I have been working with since, at the end of April 2011 was when I was diagnosed with aspergers.  The main reason that I went to counseling was because I was terminated because of a few confrontations with other employees (there were only 2 of 9 that I got along with) and when the union got to me I told them that I was suspected to have aspergers but not fully diagnosed so in order for them to get me back to work (on a last chance agreement) was to get a full diagnosis.  Once diagnosed I printed a lot of information about aspergers to hand to my supervisor to let him know what it was about and asked if he could pass it on to the other employees and he told me that I need to fix myself before he tells the other employees.  I then got into a few more arguments but they were unable to release me because of the diagnosis but one of the factors on the last chance agreement was safety so they started to try to find safety issues to write me up on because they did not want me in the shop expressing my thoughts.  They wrote me up once for not putting in my ear protection and another time for taking off my safety glasses to clean the lenses.  The one violation was when I wanted to help out the mill guys on the floor clearing a clogged tap hole in which while burning it out the oxygen hit an air pocket and caused the 2500 degree hot slag to splash back and I got burned on my had and right leg.  My company said that it was a mill job and not mine, they said I was not trained in it and therefore my accident violated the safety agreement in the last chance agreement so they had to let me go.  My supervisor did not want to let me go since other than one other employee there I was the most reliable when it came to problem solving and completing a job but there was nothing he could do because the company felt that I was more of a cancer to them trying to implement new safety strategies and costing them money.  After that I took on a position at Johnsonite (Rubber Flooring) as a temporary associate (temp to hire) in which I was qualified within one month on all the jobs (helper, splitter, stock storage, mill operator, mini-mill operator and calender operator) in the calendering department.  Likewise with this position I received a lot of praise on my efficiency and job knowledge however I got into many spats with a few of the other co-workers, and even though I knew it was the wrong thing to do I just couldn't hold back telling these people how I felt about what they were doing.  I got along good with the supervisors and plant manager but I only worked good with 3 other people in that department and the plant manager said that I need to be more of a team player and less of a thinker and due to my lack of social skills I was unable to make more friends so they decided to end my assignment rather than keeping me.  Since that was a temporary position there was nothing that I could do to protect myself so that's why I am only looking for full time employment now so that once hired I can implement the American's with Disabilities Act.  I do have a job interview on Tuesday and my only hope is that I can be myself and cover up a little of what I can to get this position.  If you have any more questions on my employment (or school) history please feel free to ask.

Employment

I had a few people ask me "What is the best job for an aspie?"  Truthfully I would like to know that myself.  As an aspie we usually stand out because we are more work oriented rather than social bees and a lot of co-workers may think that you're trying to show them up.  I have held down positions in cabinetry, shipping and receiving, wire mill and extrusion operator, steel producing and rubber mill operator.  In all the positions that I've held I have always received great compliments of how thorough I am at the job, how I never call off, how safe I practice and how I'm always on time, however in those positions I always have one complaint and that is the way that I communicate with my co-workers.  I believe in following the process and not taking any shortcuts and performing the job the best I can in the safest manner possible and if I see a co-worker not following protocol I do not hesitate to tell them what they are doing wrong and a lot of people don't like to hear that they are doing their job wrong and that usually leads to big confrontations.  Due to my lack of socializing and making friends the employer usually believes that it's me due to the fact that I have a hard time making friends and being liked by co-workers.  The most successful jobs for aspies are those that require higher education such as engineering, electricians and business in which most people share the same aspects and don't require much interaction with other people.  There are ways to obtain that education through grants for persons with aspergers through a program called Behavioral Vocational Rehabilitation (BVR) in which they should be able to place you in a field that suits you, however I have been on a waiting list for a year now and still waiting because they don't believe that it is as serious of a disability.  I am not sure how to speed up the process but I wish I did.  As for me, other than the three years in steel producing, I average about 9 months at a job before the employer sees me as a problem.  I have been receiving counseling since last April and that's how I found out about BVR and received a lot of pointers on how to win friends and influence people and hopefully with my next position I can maintain it.  I have an interview on Tuesday which is also hard for me because I either nail them or fail them all depending on how comfortable I feel with the interviewer and the questions I am asked.  I am truthful at my interviews and answer all questions thoroughly and sometimes it's good because the employer likes to hear about a safety conscious person whereas some think that's not a good thing because they don't like to go through the hassles of bringing everything up to code.  Some people don't care if you can't socialize or not and others like social employees.  As you can see this is not really much help for anyone reading this but instead I am asking for suggestions on how to go through an interview and maintain a job so any of your input would be greatly appreciated.

David made a blimp using a balloon and index cards and said look it's the david blimp.  A few minutes later he made another one and me being a great parent that believes in education and love history I decided to pop it and said "look now it's the Hindenberg blimp" we both laughed.

Should I get my aspie a pet?

Should I get a dog for my aspie child?  My opinion is yes but choose wisely.  Pets can make a great companion and offer responsibility and relaxation for your aspie.  When you choose your pet however make sure that you know what you're looking for and that your child can maintain it.  Cats, fish and turtles may be an option too but a dog in my opinion is by far the best choice.  The younger the dog is when you get it the better it is because you can train them to be what you want them to be.  We have a Boston terrier and he is great with all three kids and very well behaved except sometimes he doesn't understand when we don't want to play ball anymore.  The reason he is great for David is because he is playful when you want him to be, all you have to do is say "ball" and he'll grab his ball and be ready to play but when you are done playing you can tell him to settle down and lay down which he will do, and he loves to be pet which is good for David because although he doesn't like to be touched by other humans he loves the way the dog feels and it calms him down.  Boston terriers are probably the best small dog for your aspie child because they are so gentle, loving and fun whereas many other small dogs are not good with children.  If you can handle a larger dog then Newfoundlands, Akitas and Great Danes are really great, despite their large size they are very gentle and well behaved (extremely large lap dogs) and offer a lot of security and comfort for any child or adult.  Just remember though when you search for a dog or any animal that each breed is meant for different owners so make sure you do your homework and select the best breed that matches your personality.  If you do not want a dog my second choice for a therapy type pet would be a rodent such as a rat or a rabbit as they are very clean animals and very laid back and love to be held.  Remember these are just my opinions and you can make your own decisions however when you ask me "should I get my aspie a pet" my answer will be "YES!!!"

Just because you can't see my disability doesn't mean it doesn't exist

Just because you can't see a disability doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  People do not realize the hidden disability associated with aspergers.  The biggest disability is our lack of socialization in which makes it difficult to find or maintain employment because most companies prefer a person that is less capable of performing the job but able to joke around and make friends with others rather than one that is more job oriented and focused on completing tasks but unable to socialize.  The reason I bring up this issue is because when I was speaking with my sister yesterday about how I'm looking for a job due to the fact that I was one of the persons laid off not because of my work ethic but because I am not able to kiss up to the supervisors or joke around with the co-workers like the others that were able to keep working.  I was working as a temporary associate and my sister asked why I didn't accept any other jobs they offered so I told her that I was looking for a full time job where I am hired straight in through the company so I can use the American's with Disabilities Act (ADA) to my advantage in which a company has to have just cause to release rather than being able to release me due to the fact that I don't get along with or work well with others.  My sister asked how that is a disability and I told her that sometimes I can't hold back what I'm thinking or I just simply think that some people are complete idiots.  She said that it is retarded that it's a disability and that I should be able to learn to just keep my mouth shut, or maybe the other people think that I'm the idiot.  Well first off I was a little upset that she would refer to anything as retarded because that's a little sensitive to me and second off she doesn't realize how hard it is for someone with aspergers to refrain from saying their thoughts and when we do refrain from it people think that we are being rude because we would just rather not respond because we don't want to speak out of line and don't really know a nicer way to put it.  Just because my disability doesn't involve me missing an arm or leg, blind, deaf, obese or any other obvious thing that should make a person disabled doesn't mean that it isn't there and that is what makes our disability harder because people don't believe it because they can't see it.  And a lot of the times it's not even worth explaining because if a person doesn't realize what aspergers is they will not take the time to learn it.

Another Poem "See My Love"

See My Love

You say that I don't know how to love
And that just isn't true
Because love is more than saying
That I love you.

I'm not good at showing
Just how much I care
I just don't know how
To make you aware.

I try to express my love to you
But it is just so hard to do
I enjoy your embracing touch
But only when I want you to.

And I know you think I don't listen to you
But I hear every word it's true
Just because I don't respond right away
Is merely because I don't know what to say.

You tell me that you
Need me to say 'I love you' more
And I'll do what I can to make you
Know you're the only one I adore.

I don't know how to comfort
You when you cry
I will give it my best effort
So just accept that I try.

It is hard for me day by day
To show my love to you
Because I don't know what to do
But most of all I plainly just don't know what to say.

Jeremy David Gut

Stimming is normal for your aspie (autistic) child

Stimming is normal and often can not be controlled in a person with autism.  There is really no need to be embarrassed or feel the need to apologize while your child is in public because in most instances that is when the child feels the need for it most due to all the extra excitement around.  David used to spin a lot and through himself on the ground while we were at grocery stores or baseball games and we used to have to tell him stop repeatedly however this is a common way for an aspie or autistic child to stimulate their body because their body craves impact.  Sometimes it may be embarrassing to have your child spinning in the store or throwing themselves on the ground at school but that is normal however you can try alternate methods to help your child stimulate their body.  Things that we found useful for David is tight clothing (under armor) which gives the body compression that it craves, a rubber band around the wrist so he can snap it when he feels the need and wall push ups.  The other thing that David loves to do is go swimming in which I believe the pressure of the water on his whole body calms him down and makes him feel very relaxed.  There are a lot of other methods that you could try and with the help of an occupational therapist they can suggest more.  As far as focusing in school they suggested that we get him a ball chair so he can roll around on it while the teacher is giving a lesson rather than talking repeatedly or getting out of his seat so often however the school did not agree to that one.  Just remember for school success it is best to have an IEP in place then work with Occupational Therapists (OTs) and counselors to see which may be best and have them interact and make the suggestions with the school because a school is more apt to listen to the advice of a professional rather than what a parent thinks is best, however you can't pin that all on your OT, counselor or the school but you should also have your input on the child's behavior because you are the one that sees him most and you should know what works at home best and see how you can adapt that into a classroom setting without disturbing the others.  A  child will learn best if his body is stimulated because they can focus on the schoolwork or any other work they have to do rather than being distracted because they are feeling the need for impact or compression.  So rather than being embarrassed or apologetic for your autistic son's stimming behavior just accept that it is natural for his body to do so and support it.  There is no need to ever feel embarrassed of your child because that shows a lot of negative energy toward the child and could possibly distance that child rather than make them feel comfortable or trusting of you.

A Poem by me "The Way I'll Alway Be"

The Way I'll Always Be

Look me in the eye
Well that is hard to do
Especially when I
Have nothing to say to you.

You can talk to me
And I may act like I care
But if you want a response
You might as well be talking at the air.

I know what I want to say
But the words just won't come out
I'm just worried about what they
Will think when I blurt it out.

I explain things the way I do
And my way of thinking may not be familiar to you
I'm sorry if you don't understand
But I express myself the best I can.

Look me in the eyes
That's what you say to me
But that won't help me socialize
And that's the way I'll always be.

                                                 Jeremy David Gut
                                                 written 6-4-2012

If you have any questions that you would like answered please feel free to ask and I will try to answer it in future posts.  However remember that the advice I give is what works for my son and myself but is usually helpful for many others.  I believe the best person to ask for advice with aspergers and autism is someone that has it.

Choosing between public, private or home schooling.

What type of schooling is best for your aspie or autistic child.  Between public, private and home schooling I believe that private schooling would be the least effective due to the fact that most of the children come from the same walk of life.  However, no matter which choice you make in schooling it is only as effective as the teachers and parents make it, and it is very important that the teachers and parents work together to implement the best game plan for that student.  I have met quite a few people that say "the school is not doing enough for my child."  Well it is not completely the schools responsibility for that, it is mostly up to the parent because the school and the teachers are not going to go out of their way to help a child unless it is pushed upon them and that is mainly due to class size and budgeting.  If your child is struggling in school in may be due to his lack of concentration and may need a quiet setting for testing and school work however a teacher will not go out of their way if the parent doesn't stress it.  David has problems with the lighting in the class rooms which makes it hard for him to concentrate but due to our interventions with the school and pushing for an Individualize Education Program (IEP) they are able to give him occupational therapy once a month, speech therapy, and a special room where there are only a few other children in it for testing.  There are also other occasions in which he knows all the answers but he has a hard time getting them from his brain to the paper so they will allow him to answer the questions orally while someone writes the answers for him.  I'm not sure all the criteria and laws wrapped around the IEP throughout the United States and the rest of the world but in Ohio the parent has the right to request the IEP as long as a doctor states that they have aspergers or autism or any other type of delay in learning in which case the school has 60 days to complete testing of the child to see if an IEP needs to be put in place and 30 days from the completion of testing to implement the IEP.  However like I said the school will not test the child based on what they think because of the time and cost of the testing so it is up to the parent to push that issue.  Once the IEP is in place the school must abide by it and it will remain in place for three years with possible adjusting over the course of time and then at that point they will re-test you.  Once you have this measure put in place it is very easy for the child to maintain his work at his pace without getting left behind the rest of the class.  Most aspies and children with autism retain much information and for the most part are more advanced in most subjects than their peers.  David just finished third grade and his reading level is at a 6.8 which is sixth grade eight month and he was on the honor roll all four nine weeks.  We send David to public school because I believe that is the best route for him because one of the biggest downfalls for aspies is the ability to socialize with others and by going to public school that allows him to interact with more children from many different walks of life and through the help of occupational therapy and behavioral modification therapy hopefully that will get him more comfortable with opening up as he gets older.  I did not receive that kind of treatment as a child because my parents never had me tested and to this day I still have problems socializing with co-workers which makes it hard to maintain a job in the workforce.  I still have problems socializing with my own family too and many times at family events you will see me in the corner by myself rather than socializing with the rest of the family other than my wife and children.  Home schooling is another option and is effective as the parent makes it.  The only thing is that there are no other children to mingle with and interact with unless you take them to special events in which there are many groups that you can join that host events to get the children to interact with each other and learn how to socialize.  Private schooling is a possibility for some however they are not required to meet certain state or federal criteria and at times a student may be able to get left behind the class or the other way around be so far ahead of the class and get bored with it.  If a child starts to get bored with school they then tend to fall behind so it is up to the parent to make sure that doesn't happen.  Also with most private schools the students usually come from the same walk of life of each other so you may be able to interact with them because they can understand you but when you meet people from other paths that don't understand you it then becomes tough to adapt to them.  In my opinion I believe that public school offers the best success for your child however I'm not saying that it's the only option as all options are as effective learning tools as the parent, teacher and child make it.  I hope this can help you out.

A joke and a riddle

A neutron goes into the ice cream parlor and orders a large cone.  He asks the clerk how much and the clerk replies "For you, 'no charge'".

Now the riddle:
Pete and Repeat are in a boat, Pete falls out, who was left?

Feel free to comment if you think you know the answer to the riddle.

There is no cure for autism or aspergers

I have heard numerous people say that there is a cure for autism and aspergers.  There was someone that I worked with that asked why I was not social and I explained to him about my asperger's and told him that socialism is a huge downfall and he told me that one of his friends sons had that and they prescribed him with xanax (zanex) and he was cured.  Well that may have helped with his social anxiety but that is just one aspect of the syndrome.  David was misdiagnosed twice before they finally diagnosed him with asperger's.  They first diagnosed him with ADHD (inattentive type) and dyslexia.  David is a great reader going into fourth grade and reading at nearly a 7th grade level so i don't believe the dyslexia, as far as the ADHD we tried three different medications that was supposed to help right away, with the first and third one it made him very irritable and violent and he was never a violent kid, with the second one he said he was seeing things like the stop sign singing and dancing and pictures on the walls that weren't there (hallucinating) so we quickly stopped all of those.  There was a fourth treatment that they said we could try but it takes a course of six weeks to start working and if it didn't work you would have to slowly ween them off and my wife and I both agreed that we did not even want to risk it.  That's when we finally begged them to test him for asperger's in which after about a 6 month wait we were finally able to get him in for the 4 hour testing and it was then realized that he had aspergers which gave us a reason why the medications weren't working.  They told us the best things to do were occupational therapy and behavior modification therapy and we quickly got him enrolled in both.  He still likes to blurt out things that aren't appropriate without thinking but he sort of realizes now that they are inappropriate and with the Occupational Therapy it has helped with his writing, sports and gave us ways to help him stimulate his body other than spinning and throwing himself on the ground.   Jenny McCarthy claims that her son has been cured due to taking things out of his diet but I don't believe that either.  I'm not sure all the facts behind McCarthy but food allergies and intolerance can affect a person and I'm not sure of the severity of her sons autism.  We tried cutting gluten out of David's diet and did that for about 4 months but there was no change to his behavior or coordination so we agreed to let him have it because of his allergies to milk and eggs it was difficult enough to find food that he can have.   There is not one magic pill or one simple solution or brain probes that can cure autism or aspergers and so many people (mostly ones with no knowledge of the condition) believe that there is.  There are ways to cope with it and help curb it a little but the worst thing you can do is give your child pills (drugs) to "help" them because they won't help but instead would most likely make them miserable because of the side effects.  Instead of medicating you should try alternate means such as Occupational Therapy, Behavior modification Therapy and herbal supplements.  We give David Pedi-active to help him concentrate in school along with fish oil and gummie vitamins all which are natural substances with no negative side effects and if you miss a day there are no withdrawal symptoms.  Herbal teas such as mint and chamomile are good for relaxation.  The other thing that i believe is that if the child is able to cope with the syndrome then why should we cure it, that would just make the child (or adult) have to learn a new life with learning and making friends.  Hopefully this will help squash any myths of curing autism or aspergers.

This is another one of david's comics that I stumbled upon about a man climbing mount everest and how he was dissappointed that there was an elevator on the other side that he could have taken. I'm pretty sure there's no elevator there but maybe one day there will be

Understanding and helping your child with life skills

Aspergers does not mean incompetent.  Adults and children with Aspergers are very capable, and at times more capable than most of doing many tasks and achieving high test results.  I am writing this because after about a year since my diagnosis I was finally comfortable enough to tell my family (mom, dad and sisters) that I have this condition.  My mother and father disagreed and said "I think that's bullshit, who told you that, if you have aspergers how did you do so well in school and you played sports and was in the navy and went through a few jobs."  I had to explain to them that just because I have aspergers doesn't mean that I am stupid or unable to do tasks, as a matter of fact most people with this condition achieve very high results and are usually the best workers because they are more job oriented and ready to finish a task rather than to socialize, which unfortunately is also a big downfall is not wanting to socialize.  I've never had a complaint about my work ethic or attendance, all my tasks were completed on time with precision and never missed a scheduled day of work.  I love to work because it stimulates me, I am put to a challenge and strive to complete that challenge and the only complaints that I ever receive is my inability to communicate and socialize with others.  When I told them about David's diagnosis a couple of years earlier they also thought that nothing was wrong with him and we were making this up.  I realize now that what I needed growing up was more support from my parents and I could have probably gotten even better grades and achieved more now and that is why I am pushing David and giving him much more encouragement and support and we are doing everything that we can to get him the best help that we can with school and sports and socializing with his peers.  David is a very smart kid but like myself he gets distracted quite easily and it is a struggle to get him to do home work and the teachers often say that he is one of the smartest kids in the class and a lot more advanced but they have a hard time getting him to take tests and pay attention in class.  It may seem that he doesn't pay attention but he follows along with what is going on, the teacher told us of an incident that she was reading to class and kept telling the kids to pay attention and be quiet while she was reading so they can follow it and one of his classmates said "Well what about David he's not paying attention"  and at that point David stood up and recited back everything that was read.  The biggest struggle is getting words from his brain to his paper and he usually does not finish his papers in school and ends up with a lot of homework which we make sure that he finishes because we know that he knows the answers we are just trying to get him comfortable with putting that on paper.  It took us a while to schedule an IEP with the school but after months of pushing the school agreed to the testing and an IEP is in place, however it is up to a supportive parent to push the issue or the school will not do that for you.  I know that because I probably could have had one in place when I was in school but my parents didn't see the red flags that we seen with David.  He also does Occupational Therapy which helps with coordination body stimulation which should eventually make him a better baseball player and whatever other sports he will get involved in when he gets older.  I did play baseball for a season in fourth grade and was not that great, I had trouble tracking the ball and eventually gave up on it because I was discouraged because I was so far behind the rest of the team, David is currently in his fifth year of baseball, he didn't want to play the past two years but we don't want him to give up so easily like my parents did with me, instead we want him to improve and get up to speed with his peers.   I decided to play football from fifth grade until I graduated high school.  I was a defensive lineman which required quickness more than speed and coordination and I like the full body impact that my body was receiving and I don't think my parents realized that.  I may have been able to achieve more as a football player had I gone through Occupational Therapy and learned other techniques to stimulate my body.  The other thing that we arranged for David was Behavioral Modification Therapy to help him learn how to socialize with his classmates and learn how to get along better with his cousin (who is Autistic) and how to deal with his little brother better.  Unfortunately his counselor left the area and he hasn't seen him for almost a year, we thought that David was dealing with things okay and he did for a while since not going but we feel that the one-on-one sessions that he had with the counselor did help a lot and we would like to get him back into it.  The first time I received any counseling was when I was 26 years old (about a month before my 27th birthday) and have been receiving it twice a month for a little over a year now and I am learning a lot of new things that could be really helpful.  I mean I am always going to have aspergers and be socially awkward and say the wrong things at times but she has given me ways to think before I speak and is showing me how to win friends with my personality, adapt to be just like the person you are with and they will like you better and you can go farther.  I wish I would have had that kind of intervention when I was younger and I would be a much different person.  It is a lot harder to adapt when you are older and that is why it is important to intervene with your autistic child at a young age and it will give them an edge when they become adults.  If you are negative your child will reflect that, but if you are positive and willing to take all the necessary actions for you child to get the most out of life while they are younger they will strive to not let you down.  In other words praise everything that your child does no matter how bad, ridiculous or embarrassing it may be and they will go far.

How to love with Aspergers

People may think that people with Aspergers or Autism don't know how to love and that is not true by any means.  We know how to love and be loved but have a hard time expressing it verbally or emotionally.  I tell my wife that I love her but I have a hard time showing that I love her.  When I was in high school there were girls that I liked and talked to sometimes but I could never tell them and couldn't muster the courage to ask anyone out, my first date was about two months before I turned 18 right before graduating high school and I am not the one that asked, but my best friend told this girl that she should give me a chance.  As far as talking to her it was hard because I did not know how to express myself, instead I showed that I loved her in my writings.  I wrote notes and drew little cartoons and added some jokes to make her laugh and then I wrote a bunch of poetry to express my love.  That method seemed to work because she agreed to date me and later on down the road agreed to marry me and so far it's lasted eight and a half years (December 21, 2003).  While I was in the Navy (July 2002-July 2005) our main source of communication was through writing letters and sending e-mail and she seemed to miss me a lot and I believe our love grew during that time, and it was still strong for a little while after I was released from the military but a lot of my time then became consumed with the workforce and playing in the garden and I never really found time to write and after a while she started to feel that the love was gone.  She would ask me all the time if I still love her and I told her "of course I do" then she would ask "why don't you ever tell me that you love me unless it's in a text or right before bed."  This was before I was diagnosed with Aspergers, or knew what it was so a lot of nights she would just keep talking and crying while I was just listening because I didn't know how to respond so she felt like I was ignoring her.  I have written a couple of letters on our anniversaries and a couple other times throughout the years to tell her how much I still love her and how she is a great wife and mother to our children and she really loved to read that but I know that she would like to try to hear it more.  I try to tell her more often how I feel but in my mind I think that she should already know how much I love her.  Our marriage was a little rocky for a couple years and then she gave me an ultimatum to seek counseling or she will leave.  I ignored her threats for a while because I thought they were empty threats because I know she still loves me and she knows that I still love her, I eventually started seeking counseling and was diagnosed with Aspergers when I started running into social problems at work (4 jobs in 5 years due to misunderstanding by co workers), and since the diagnosis she has been more understanding (because of David's diagnosis she knows all about Aspergers) and accepting of how hard it is to express feelings.  The counselor keeps telling me that I should give her at least two compliments per week to make her feel loved and I am lucky to come up with one a month.  I am putting this blog out to inform anyone with Aspergers that have relationship problems because they don't know how to express their love that maybe they need to find another source that makes it easier to express rather than orally or physically.  My source of showing love is in my writings, others may be able to draw or just do little things such as housekeeping or helping out to show appreciation of the things she does for you.  Just because you have Aspergers doesn't mean it's impossible to love, it just means it's harder to show love so don't give up on it.  It is also a two way street, if your wife or girlfriend is aware of your disorder they should also be willing to accommodate  and understand your situation and give you support and encouragement.  Don't get me wrong, me and my wife still fight, she still cries and gets overwhelmed at times because she feels that I am not helping out but I believe since we both found out that I have Aspergers it made it easier to accept my distancing at times and she is so supportive which makes me feel stronger and it makes our love and marriage stronger.